What it looks like
Every child gets angry. What brings families in is anger that has taken over: outbursts several times a week, rages that last an hour, a child who hits, kicks or breaks things, and parents who plan the day around avoiding the next blowup.
Often it follows a pattern. A request, a no, or a transition sets it off. The child escalates. A parent pushes back, then gives in or explodes too. Everyone is exhausted, and the next one comes sooner.
When it’s worth getting help
- Outbursts happen most days, or several times a week.
- They last a long time, or are getting bigger.
- Someone gets hurt, or things get broken.
- Siblings are afraid, or school is calling.
- You’ve tried consequences, rewards and talking it through, and nothing holds.
What the research says
Anger and aggression are among the most common reasons children are referred for mental health care. The two treatments with the strongest support are parent management training, which changes the family patterns that keep outbursts going, and cognitive behavioral therapy, which builds a child’s own calming and problem-solving skills (Sukhodolsky et al., 2016). A 2024 review reached the same conclusion, and found both helpful for irritability as well as aggression (Kalvin et al., 2024).
That’s why a class that teaches a child to count to ten, on its own, often doesn’t stick. The skills matter, but so does what happens around the child every day.
How we help
With you: Kara maps out what sets off outbursts, what keeps them going, and what ends them. Then you build a plan together:
- More positive attention when your child is calm, so calm gets noticed.
- Fewer, clearer requests, and warnings before transitions.
- A calm, brief response during an outburst, the same from both parents.
- Predictable consequences afterward, small and immediate rather than big and delayed.
- Rewards tied to specific goals, like getting through homework without yelling.
With your child, as their age allows: noticing the body signals that anger is rising, naming the feeling, a calm-down plan they practice when they’re not upset, and simple steps for solving the problem once they’re calm.
You practice the hard moments in session, so the plan works at 6pm on a Tuesday, not just in the office. See how much your child is involved at each age.
In the moment, tonight
- Say less. Short, calm words land better than reasoning mid-rage.
- Keep everyone safe first. Move siblings, give space, remove what can be thrown.
- Don’t negotiate the original request during the outburst. Come back to it when everyone is calm.
- Talk about it later, briefly, and plan what to try next time.
These help, but they work much better as part of a plan you’ve built for your child and your family. That’s where working with Kara comes in.