What it looks like
Screaming on the floor because the cup is the wrong color. Melting down at every transition: leaving the park, getting in the car, turning off the show. Tantrums that last 20 minutes, happen several times a day, and leave you avoiding errands or giving in just to make it stop.
Why tantrums stick around
Young children don’t yet have the words or self-control to handle frustration, so tantrums are expected. What makes them more frequent is what happens next. If a tantrum sometimes ends with getting the thing, or getting out of the thing, it’s learned. If calm moments get little attention and meltdowns get a lot, meltdowns win. Changing those patterns, consistently, is what brings tantrums down.
What the research says
Across 77 studies of parent training programs for children up to age 7, the programs that worked best had parents practice with their own child, use time-out consistently, and focus on positive interaction and emotional communication (Kaminski et al., 2008). Across many reviews, parent-based treatment reliably improves children’s behavior problems (Mingebach et al., 2018).
How we help
With you:
- Daily special time, a few minutes of child-led play, and lots of specific praise.
- Warnings and routines that make transitions easier.
- A calm, consistent response during tantrums, the same from both parents.
- Not giving in to the tantrum, and helping your child calm down afterward.
- Teaching simple words for feelings, so your child has another option.
With your child, mainly in observed sessions for younger children: Kara watches how things go and coaches you through it in real time.
Something to try this week
Give a heads-up before every transition: “Two more slides, then shoes.” Then a one-minute warning. Then follow through calmly, even if there’s protest. When your child moves on without a meltdown, notice it out loud: “You stopped playing when it was time. That was hard, and you did it.” If protests get louder at first, that’s common. Here’s why behavior gets worse before it gets better.
See how much your child is involved at each age, or read about our approach.